Over the years, I’ve developed a battery of thought-provoking questions that I ask clients before taking on a design project. With 33 questions in all, here’s one that always gets people thinking:
If your house were burning down, what’s the one thing you would grab? And why?
Minus other family members, pets and all family pictures, if you were standing on your front lawn, what one object would you safely go in and grab knowing that you are leaving everything else behind? It can be large or small, light or heavy, that doesn’t matter. It’s more about choosing an item than it is about rationalizing the logistics of moving it.
Giving this question some serious thought, I thought it would be interesting to turn the tables and answer it for myself. So here goes…
As with all of us, everything in my home has a story. Comprised of things I graciously received or carefully selected myself, my house is full of nothing less than objects of my affection.
From my grandfather’s diamond signet ring to the hand-carved wooden duck I bought at 14; the sterling necklace engraved ‘mi tesoro’ from Eddie to the bronze angel sculpture my Mom gave me one year for Christmas; the list goes on and on. Each item has a story that is near and dear to my heart.
But in the spirit of the question, I walked through my house and here’s my answer…
Nothing. Now let me explain.
While it would be extremely difficult to lose anything in a fire, I know that losing the item would not be losing the person who gave it to me; their love or their memory. In fact, of all the people I’ve worked with who have experienced house fires, their relationships with people deepened when the objects went away. A new perspective was gained along with a new way expressing the love in that relationship emerged. So if I did run into the fire, one thing is certain, I would not be trying to save a relationship.
Also, I am fortunate to live in a house full of things that I love, enjoy and use on a regular basis. Every gift that has ever been given to me I have received with open arms and experienced; otherwise it would not have remained in my house. Each item is either properly displayed or used as a part of my livelihood. Nothing is saved for ‘one day’ as saving for ‘one day robs you of today.
When a person gives me something or I purchase something for myself, there’s always an intention or gift that accompanies the object (i.e, to live better, to make life easier, to have fun, to spend time with friends, etc.). But it’s up to me to fulfill upon that intention and receive the gift. For all intensive purposes, buying something that I’ll never use is not honoring the intention of the object; or said differently, is not receiving the gift.
For example, storing family china in a box in the basement for years in clearly not receiving the gift. The intention of the china is to bring family and friends together for dinners; to create a sense of fellowship amongst loved ones. Not to create a sense of guilt. This is a common item I see all the time so if you’re feeling the least bit guilty about china or a similar item, please check out Chapter 9 of my book Take the U Out of Clutter.
Lastly, the idea of going into the house for one item over another suggests to me that there may be something I’m not fully appreciating about all my stuff today. It may be the item itself or the item may be a guidepost to what that ‘something’ really is. Only you will know what that is for you.
All in all, it’s a simple yet thoughtful question but as you can see, it’s quite evocative and revealing. We all have objects of affection, but the underlying question is, are we at the affect of them? In other words, do we possess them or do they possess us? And while I maybe standing on the front lawn with empty hands, I’ll never be with an empty heart.
To learn more about your objects of affection, ask yourself:
If my house were burning down, what’s the one thing I’d grab? And why?
I’d love to hear your answers in the comments below.
Until next time…
I love how u explained takinh nothing and of course not thinking of our familys or pets or my child the one thing I would grab is a keepsake box that contains memorabilia from my entire life . Pictures of things and ppl I love . It also contains documents of daily life
It’s in plain sight and no one knows its there but me!! May seem dumb buy I van honestly say keeping just that would ley others see and know what my life has been about and will continue to be!! 132 days ago
I would get my college diploma since I worked so hard to get it at the young age of 62. 132 days ago
Love that! I often think about going back to school but not sure what I would study. Good for you! 130 days ago
assuming I could reach it in time, there is a tiny gold baby ring with a tiny little ruby in it that has always meant a lot to me. My Godparents gave it to me. I remember thinking it was so big because it would fall off my thumb when I was four years old. Now of course, I can’t even get it on my pinky. One day I almost lost it down the drain and I was relieved when my Mom suddenly showed up and helped me save it. It’s kind of battered now and I still love it. 132 days ago
Or…now that I think about it…I might grab the head of my favorite doll of all time, my Cissy doll by Madame Alexander. She had three wigs but now she’s bald. I played with her so much her head fell off, but she is still beautiful to me. Can we submit photos? I can show you what she looks like. 132 days ago
My Kindle! 132 days ago
Hopefully with my book on it. lol. 130 days ago
I don’t even have to debate that one as it would be my computer. Not only does it store a lot of precious memories and photographs but it is my connection to some very near and dear on-line friends I have met over these past twelve years. I also has practical uses as well as all my bills are paid on-line and that is how I do my banking and shopping too. 132 days ago
I would grab my picture albums &pictures! It would kill me if my pictures of my family &friends would be in ashes! I cherish my son’s pictures growing up, & if I couldn’t show &share memories to my grand children of their father when he was a child, it would make me very sad!! 131 days ago
I have a rocking chair that I was rocked in as a child. Both of my children and all the nieces and nephews were rocked to sleep in it. Now my youngest son and I are restoring it and putting the names of all the children rocked in it around my grandmothers name who started it all. I want my grandchildren rocked in this chair also. It links us all together and will continue on for many more generations to come I hope. 131 days ago
Recently had a fire scare – everything okay – but I left without realizing I didn’t have my glasses and shoes! You can’t really think because you are so freaked out. Best to think about yourself. 131 days ago
What an amazing yet RIDONKULOUS question! My personal files, documents, jewelry & other stuff that I have in a fire proof box ready to grab lickety split!
Yep and if time permitted, my computer & external hard drives! There’s stuff saved on my media center that is irreplaceable! I know…..how RIDONKULOUS of me! Hahaha! Happy Weekending! 131 days ago
The trupunto white quilt that was made by someone in my step-greatgrandmother’s family, before the Civil War. My grandmother loved and cherished it, as much as the love she had for her stepmother. And, I love it, too! 131 days ago
I have a rather large treasure chest in the closet. It has two handles but is extremely heavy-I would have to drag it. In there are pricelss mementos of my childhood, my parents childhood, my children and grandchildren/ Things that cannot be replaced-my life story. 131 days ago
Probably some old pictures of my parents and ancestors dating from the 1930′s to the 1960′s.
However, your question really made me think because right now those pictures are stuffed in a couple boxes in the box of a closet. I probably wouldn’t have time to get them in a fire.
These pictures and other momentos are my “set of good china”! I need to get them out and put them in frames and scrapbooks so I can enjoy them and share them and not “wait until I have time to do it”! 131 days ago
I hope you can enjoy those things. 130 days ago
My cell phones. I can replace or live without everything else that is material. I have my memories to cherish of those lost items. Why cell phones? That is my connection to the most important people in my life, family and friends. And yes I do have multiple cell phones. I blame it on the job. 131 days ago
I would grab pictures and mementos of relatives and past events. 131 days ago
Aside from the obvious need to save my pets, computer and photo albums, the one thing I would grab would be a chair upon which I painted Picasso’s “The Dreamer.” Everyone who sees this chair wants it. It’s cool, colorful, and totally “me.” 131 days ago
I would make sure Craig was safe and that he had his wheel chair. I keep my purse on the back of his wheel chair and a change of clothes in his backpack which stays in the trunk of my car. If I had time I would want to get my computer. Only the tower part. It contains Craig’s records, medical and financial.
I love what you wrote. 131 days ago
In 2008, we were part of a local major California fire. The local fire chief was on TV telling our part of town it’s time to evacuate. We had been threatened with fire in previous years. I listened to the people, interviewed on TV, who had been evacuated for weeks and lost their homes. I learned it is important, if possible, to take clean underwear. People said they would give everything to have clean undergarments. I have all my important papers in zippered notebooks. When they call or announce on TV to leave, you go into panic mode. If you throw notebooks in the car, they come unhinged. Zippers help. Having cotton shopping bags helped greatly last time. I put all non-zippered notebooks in bags. It is overwhelming to think about what to take. Tears flood the eyes. After insurance & inportant papers, have & take recent pictures of everything inside & outside the house, also the car. This will help with insurance. If time allows, I would take paintings by loved ones that can’t be replaced. Take camping & camp cooking gear. I have purchased this stuff on sale over the years and store it near the car. I have started unifying family pictures by creating scrapbooks. They are easier to put into bags and into cars for evacuation. Lastly, grab jewelry you have come to love. A much loved watch or ring you’ve always worn is a constant reminder of your loss. Everything else is devastatingly lost but in a sense can be replaced. 131 days ago
Thanks for sharing that story. 130 days ago
I have been through a fire and we lost everything but the clothes we were wearing when we ran out of the house. it is horrendous to say the least. But we did leave with our lives which is the single most important thing. Yes there were things that could never be replaced but I still to this day have the memories. Over the years I have accumulated more things that have their own memories attached to them. I agree with Mark. If I lost everything all over again, it would once again be terrible. There are a select few items that I dearly cherish and those I keep in a safety deposit box. I think the thing that I would miss the most is a Christmas cactus that had been in the family since 1915 (but I wouldn’t risk my life for it). 131 days ago
Mark, you brought tears to my eyes. I have never been the victim to of a fire, but I have had my home burglarized…twice. I was fortunate not be home either time. But what I learned then is though there were a few things I would miss, items that were taken could be replaced,but the memories and the love that went with them could never be stolen.
But like you, I think I would be standing on the lawn, grateful I and any loved ones were able to do just that. 131 days ago
Honestly, the there was one item. It was the baby bracelet that was put on me when I was born. When I was born it was something that was just done. I am a twin so mine had more meaning to me as it didn’t just have my name it indicated I was one of a pair. God is good however and it was recovered after the mess was cleaned up.
My baby bracelet is on my top drawer. It’s so tiny yet so significant. 130 days ago
Before I read your answer mark, I closed my eyes and after taking out pictures, people and pets, I could not think of anything….the only thing I thought of was my purse…for the car keys and credit cards and not the purse itself…your writing was beautiful and I think I am on the same page as you …and glad to be…this perspective is fresh and I believe will help me clear out some things from my home… 131 days ago
My mother’s wedding ring. 131 days ago
I would grab my Dad’s hat. He was a banker and always wore a hat to work and to church. I kept the last one he had on a hat/coat rack in my living room. He passed away in 1990. I keep my grandfather’s fez on that rack too; but I would definitely grab my Dad’s hat. 131 days ago
I would grab my purse. I feel naked without it. It contains all the essentials I need in case of an emergency. 131 days ago
I would grab my art work “my self portrait” it was the last week of class and my art instructor was never fully satisfied with my work. I worked for hours on end. Sometimes 10 hours a day. Paying attention to instragetic details “likeness”and “emotions” from upclose view and distance. I never tried so hard. The day I presented my portrait HE WAS SO PLEASED..HE SAID “I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW TO IMPROVE THIS”,MY JAW DROPPED. HE SAID THIS HAS BEEN YOUR BEST OVERALL PRESENTATION. At that moment I believed I could do anything well with preseverance. It’s framed on the wall and whenever I look at it “I SMILE” and” I remember what I accomplished. 131 days ago
You can do anything
130 days ago
I’d grab my grandmother’s worn and tattered Bible and her glasses that sit on top of it. I love where you said that if we were guilty of saving special things for “one day” then we weren’t truly receiving the gift. I could not agree with you more. I use my china and crystal all the time to celebrate things like my boys getting a 100 on a test. I can’t wait to read your book! 131 days ago
A plaque my Dad engraved when I was 4 with daises and my name on it and a wooden Hummel music box that I have had since the age of 3.
The reason I say these ideas is that they are very precious to me. The plaque can not be replaced, and while the music box could, it would not be the same.
The other reason these are so precious to me is that
a little over 3 years ago I had a house fire. It was while I was at work. I lost all my family photos, my pets all of my furniture and other material possessions. These two items some how survived. Making them even more important to me.
Thank you for such a thought provoking question. 130 days ago
I would grab my documents,i.e. my passport,bank book 129 days ago
Also my wedding album because it hold pictures of my family members that were never together except at that one event. 129 days ago
My Kids… 129 days ago
As long as the important stuff is out–pictures, family, pets, important documents:
I’d put on comfortable clothes, shoes and a jacket, and then I’d grab my bag that holds car keys, wallet, Kindle, Blackberry, a week’s supply of meds, and then I could walk out the door without looking back.
I’ve helped a number of my psychotherapy patients learn to unclutter. The questions go something like this: Do you love it? Is it unique? Can it be replaced? Depending on the answers, items are kept, set aside for donation, selling or trash. 108 days ago